Am I enough?

Often when I have thought about things that I wanted to share through this blog I have become mildly intimidated and convinced that my sweet friends out there had no interest in hearing about the deeper things that rattle around in my brain and consume my heart and so I have (mostly) stuck to the stuff that is light and fun and easy to share.

But something has been on my mind lately and I wanted to share. I have long had a deep and abiding testimony in my Savior, Jesus Christ. In fact, as a teenager, I am quite certain that this belief is what halted my descent down a road that Heavenly Father did not want me to travel. It was the first time I recall feeling saved, both literally and figuratively. The first time I felt the ABSOLUTE assurity of God's love for me and his deep interest in my well being. I KNEW it. It was no longer something wonderful I had been taught and hoped to be true....I KNEW it. And still, I have struggled over and over in my life with the feeling of being 'enough'. I have agonized over not being good enough as a young woman, not a good enough wife, not a good enough mother, not a good enough friend. The Great Deceiver (we not-so-affectionately refer to Satan as the Big Fat Liar around here) has paraded his mantra around in my mind over and over again. His voice has echoed in my mind and heart whenever fear and doubt would creep in. The years have passed. With each passing year, each passing month, day, hour or minute I have sought my Heavenly Father's peace to know that I am enough. That the righteous desires of my heart and soul would prevail in this battle for my self worth. And with collective hours on my knees in prayer and seeking out help through scriptures, through professionals and through love I know now that I AM enough. I read something this afternoon that brought me to tears. It spoke of the time our Savior spent on the cross. The suffering He alone had to bear. Seeing the faces in the crowd that mocked Him and despised Him. And yet, He bore it. And He alone felt the agony of the suffering of the world. And had it been ONLY me, He would have done it. He knows me. And He loves me. I was worth it. And I am enough.